I Have a Deep Dark Secret

Okay. Fine. I really don’t have a fro.

I have this deep, dark terrible secret that I don’t want anyone to know about. Not until recently have I wanted to come out and reveal my secret, much less accept the fact as truth. Let’s face it: telling your own secrets is not an easy feat to overcome. So, why am I about to tell you this little secret of mine? Because I need accountability. I’ve been living with this secret for six years and every year it has gotten worse. Not until I went to my doctor a month ago with a bad case of strep throat did I want to do anything about it. My deep, dark, terrible secret?

I’m FAT.

Not Mimi fat. But I-Just-Hit-Technically-Obese-Fat.

Yes, I realize there are millions of other women and men out there much fatter than me, but I’ve had enough! I’ve never had to worry about my weight in my life until after my third child, but somehow over the course of six-and-a-half years I had let myself GO. I mean, Dr Pepper and fried pies are just so good. But when the nurse put my feverish body on the doctor’s scale to weigh me and blurted out as loudly as she could, “190 POUNDS!” I just about died.

What. The. Hell. Happened.

Luckily for me, I went home (2 hours later), fell asleep, and didn’t eat anything the rest of the day.

The next day while pumped up on antibiotics, ibuprofen, and Nyquil I shelled out over $50 for Weight Watchers Online for three months. Why? Not only have I heard great things from my friends who have used Weight Watchers, but I was no way in hell going to step on a scale in front of other people at a weekly meeting. Because the nurse at my doctor’s office already freaked me out.

It’s now been four weeks since I first began Weight Watchers and I’ve lost 11.2 pounds. So it’s working. And I’m beginning to get the hang of it. I now weigh 178.8 pounds and I ain’t looking back. No, I don’t need to lose 100 pounds, but I do want to be healthy. And I made my husband promise he wouldn’t tell the Mother Trucker because we all know she’d be in our faces with dieting advice. You know how much I want to hear advice on losing weight from a five-foot-seven-inch-135-pound-woman. My husband also promised not to try to lose weight until I get down to his weight. Which means I’ve been filling him up on ice cream and second helpings.

So for now, I have three goals:

1. Weigh 140 pounds.
2. Weigh less than my husband for the first time since we met each other.
3. Have sexy legs like Carrie Underwood:

The best part of this whole blog post? I’m now only technically overweight.

PS: Now you know why I used 93% lean ground beef in my breakfast sausage recipe.