Wednesday Rambles: Beavis Brought Home a Psycho Ninja Chick

(Beavis finally took the tent down last week.)

It’s Wednesday and that means it’s time for Wednesday Rambles (yes, I realize I forgot last week!) created by Crazy Texas Mommy. This last week has pretty much been a conglomerate of craziness and accidental shenanigans. But just wait til next week. Or should I say that I should wait until next week, because my kids don’t go back to school for NINE days. Which means that I may end up like the Psycho Ninja that Beavis brought home. My life should be a sitcom.

Alrighty then, let’s get started:

• Beavis has a weekend job spinning signs on the side of the road for apartments, businesses, etc. He basically holds up a sign and directs new clients or residents to where they should go.
• Last Sunday some chick started hanging out with him and chatting while he spun signs.
• Remember that one time a guy came to my front door asking me to buy magazines to “help him go to college” and then we got feisty with each other when I told him no and to get a real job and I called the police and the police stopped him down my street and found out that he had warrants out for his arrest for aggravated burglary of a habitation in Tennessee?
• Well, that is what the chick that Beavis was talking to did.
• How the heck Beavis attracts these kinds of freaks I haven’t the slightest.
• So Beavis brings her into my home.
• Of course this is after the argument I had with him over how it is easy to fraud the voter ID system.
• I only know the psycho freak is in my home because Lily, our Yorkie, starts growling on my lap.

Me: “So, are you from around here?”

Psycho Freak: “Nah, {insert my town here} is too cold. I’s from Farmers Branch!”

• It is very important to note that Farmers Branch is only a fifteen minute drive from my town.

Me: “Oh, is Farmers Branch warmer than {insert my town here}?”

Psycho Freak: “Oh yah! Did you know that I am a Ninja?”

• Really? Did Beavis really have to bring a chick into my home that thinks she is a ninja? And it wasn’t just the fact that she said two really strangely off things within two minutes of each other, but the fact that she said several really strangely off things within a five minute “conversation” with me. If you could even call it that…like:
• “I have severe anxiety issues. My mom gave them to me.”
• “Oooooh! I like this painting. Are you an artist? I am an artist. I am a ninja artist.”
• “You have sweet little boys. Agh! I didn’t see that one! They might be ninjas too.”
• WTF!!!!!!! Beavis why? WHY? Get her OUT of my home!!! She then falls asleep in Beavis’ room.

Beavis: “I’m really concerned that she doesn’t have a place to go. She says her stuff is in Farmers Branch, but I don’t know if she’s lying or not.”

Me: “That’s not my problem. That’s her problem.”

Beavis: “But what if she doesn’t have a place to go?”

Me: “I don’t know, but she’s not staying here.”

Beavis: “But she fell asleep in my room.”

Me: “Then wake her up.”

• So, Beavis and Jeebus drove to Farmers Branch, got her stuff, and then the psycho ninja stalled about where to drop her off.
• So, Beavis and Jeebus drove to a local bar, explained the situation to the bartender, the psycho ninja begins going random on them again to which the bar people told Jeebus and Beavis that they couldn’t leave her there.
• So at 2:30 am they dropped her off at Walmart.
• There is potentially one good thing about dropping her off at that Walmart and one bad thing: Good is that at that particular Walmart she can find kindred psycho ninjas. Bad is that the police patrol that area fairly well.
• I hope she found a good homeless shelter.
• If Beavis does it again, then he’ll have to find a homeless shelter too.

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